February 2012
65 posts
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Just Eat Your Fish...
womaninterrupted replied to your post: I’m Sorry, What?
Damn, I wanted Mermaid Inn. I could have walked in last night and made this evening even more awkward.
Too late. Another friend beat you to it. So, there I am, frozen to my chair in abject horror, when I receive a text: ”Are you at the Mermaid?” Yeah, two tables away, fun writing/editor friend (who I’d rather not...
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I'm Sorry, What?
Met friends for dinner last night at the fantastic Mermaid Inn. Two of these friends I’ve known since childhood. One is getting married come September; he was there with his lovely fiancee.
Things that occurred:
Fantastic trout.
Two Old Bay Bloody Marys (side note: I’d eat my own arm, provided it was seasoned with Old Bay).
Someone shows up with someone who is already three...
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Anatomy of a Pity Party
This is what happens when I get rejected from something (have no fear, it turns out all right).
Little shaky paws. Wobble chin. Three sniffs (only three).
Wail like banshee.
Catch sight of self in mirror. Jump back in horror.
Apply fluffy slippers and fluffy robe. Throw self in bed.
Turn off phone. Eat all the chocolate.
Decide that all the people who said they like my work are lying....
Well, I am still lucky. Just not with this contest.
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Luck
I’m trying to stop myself from writing a note. A little superstitious part of me wants to jot down my most pressing desire right now, then burn it and send it out into the universe—whatever that means.
I won’t do it. Nope. Not going to.
I’m not a religious sort, but I’m a human animal, so I can’t help but wrestle with superstition, thoughts about luck, and...
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The Scam
Here’s what I’ve discovered about Spas and Groupon/Living Social.
There is construction next door.
It’s really loud.
No one in their right mind would go to a spa with that much noise.
The deal is really cheap.
Your back will feel good.
Then there’s the migraine.
The spa is broken because of the construction next door.
This has happened 5 out of 6 times.
Just keep...
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Adventures in Advice
Ridiculous things I’ve heard from Aestheticians:
No, no. You must only use tepid water. Nothing hot ever. EVER.
Your skin is terrible.
Your skin is amazing.
You must exfoliate twice a week.
NEVER exfoliate. EVER!!!!
Don’t touch your face.
Massage your face for lymphatic drainage.
Are you *sure* you don’t want me to wax your eyebrows?
Don’t do anything that makes...
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Gluten-free diet may be a waste of money for some,... →
baffledinbrooklyn:
If I start commenting on this I’ll just end up in a senseless tirade and offend someone.
I’ve actually gone on the senseless tirade in front of friends and neighbors, willy-nilly, without a care for thoughts and feelings or sensitivities.
I have a similar tirade about, well, food sensitivities and allergies. I am a person with food allergies. I am convinced that...
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Power Washing
I’m getting squished today.
A while back, after all the insanity finished, Mr. Of The House booked one of those “pay someone else to fix my wife’s back” things. Guess the fact that I’ve been looking like the Crypt Keeper has finally caught up with me.
I’m getting a short massage today, as well as a mani, pedi, salt & sugar body polish, and a European...
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2:00 a.m.
Oh, 2:00 a.m., my old friend. It’s been a long time since you and I whiled the hour away, together in our loneliness.
I spent you awake, acids eating at my gut, worrying about the state of my career, pondering if I will eventually die old and undistinguished, with nothing to my name save for a few scribbling no one ever read.
Disgusting as it is, hunger for recognition kept me awake,...
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Shredding
I have just shredded my way through 2004 in the annual “Get rid of the old papers” fit. 2011 fits nicely in its place.
Things shredded:
Record of the million dollar piece of business I did that got me free hotel nights at the Venetian.
Pay stubs from the four jobs I held that year.
Insurance info from the last time I had a car.
Record that in 2004 my cell phone bill was a mere...
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tracingben replied to your photo: Three things pictured here: Part of my fantastic…
The Evil Dead movies are the best movies ever.
Deep dark secret:
I own them all. Special edition-y and what not. And an Evil Dead lunchbox, which I happily toted to work back in my office job days. Yes, as an adult. I’ve also seen Evil Dead The Musical. It was everything I hoped that it would be. I...
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cranquis asked: You are in a locked brick room; door hinges are outside, doorknob has no keyhole. You are wearing naught but a snuggie w/ empty pockets. The room contains: a bar of chocolate, a 12-in strand of dental floss, a postcard from Lebanon, 2 strike-anywhere matches, 1 jumbo-size paper clip, and a small cardboard box which, when opened, reveals a nickel-size wormhole which allows you to see through the...
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helms-deep asked: So, you "hit send" on a certain super seekrit writing project a few weeks ago. Again, huge congrats to you. Is there a certain passage, sentence, or piece of dialoge that you are most specifically proud of that wouldn't give away too much of the plot?
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palmtreepalmtree asked: I need to make up some language about why I want to work in a particularly Judge's (who-shall-not-be-named) chambers. You are go for bullshit:
sallydoodle asked: have you thought about doing an audio companion to your western project? i think that might be a nice upsell. and your voice - you got mad skillz, lady.
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baffledinbrooklyn asked: A woman giving birth just had her sister take a picture of the baby as the head began to come out of her vagina. This is a NOT uncommon occurrence. Who the hell shows people pictures like this? "This is baby Drizzella's first picture. That's her head right there. You can't see her body because it's STILL IN MY VAGINA.". Am I missing something? Are these people...
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The Mighty Hole of Asking is Open →
Everyone else is doing it, so why shouldn’t I? The Mighty Hole of Asking is open, and anon is on.
For those of you who haven’t played along before, just click on the above linky-pooh, send in a question, comment, dissertation on Proust, or whatever the heck you feel you’d like to converse with me about.
I shall do my best to be witty, and or entertaining. At the very least,...
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Dear Machine....
Stop yelling at me. I do *not* need to slow down. I have a high exercise heart rate. No, I don’t feel winded. My chest doesn’t hurt, I don’t feel dizzy and I’m barely sweating. Actually, when I get off the machine I hardly even have a pulse. One of two things are going on:
You are double counting. You’re a machine at a gym. You’re not exactly high tech...
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You Want to What...?
[name] asked [tloth’s other tumblr]: 2012-02-16 13:26
Hey there - cool blog you got going! Hope you don’t mind if I use some of your content later down the road, great stuff. New follower, can you please follow me back?
Well… that’s disturbing. ”Use some of your content?” For what? How? Why? This makes me very, very twitchy. It makes me feel like...
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Reading My Way to Ruin
I did some reading while happily pedaling away on my bike without a bike last night. It came to my attention that I’d read through 100+ pages in an hour. I wasn’t trying to speed read or anything. The only thing that stopped me from going through another 100 or so was that I finished the book.
My Nook is potentially dangerous.
I could easily run through $40k of books on that thing...
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All Your Reply Are Belong to Us
whatmusings replied to your post: Suspicious Activity
This is not so much about any suspicious activity as it is about the latest picture on ieatbutter, because your fingernails are really fabulous. (Sorry….that sounded significantly less creepy in my head.)
Thanks! I sharpen my claws daily in order that they be at perfect pointiness for scratching Mr. Of The House’s eyes out.
...
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tracingben replied to your post: Suspicious Activity
Sometimes it calls me and breathes heavily.
Yeah, um, sorry. That wasn’t my blog. That was me. It gets lonely over here sometimes…
Also, I might be a little congested.
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Suspicious Activity
Hm. Tumblr asked me to reset my password due to suspicious activity. So, if my blog has been giving yours the side-eye, or breathing against your windows, sorry. I generally try to be more up front about my creepiness.
At the time of said “suspicious activity” I was loading a draft for ieatbutter. Apparently that much fat is suspicious.
Also of note, when said situation happens...
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Strength and a Good Man
I once thought that strength was a solitary pursuit—a single person triumphing in the face of seemingly insurmountable obstacles.
Strength, it seems, is helping the person who is facing those insurmountable obstacles. It’s a quiet steadfastness that can be so subtle that it might go unnoticed, because it becomes so relied upon, so ingrained, that it somehow disappears within the fabric...
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Aaaand Go.
Challenge:
Figure out how to transport 100+ fried cookie thingies plus containers of homemade strawberry sauce and powdered sugar to the Upper East Side.
Obstacles:
You are starting from Central Brooklyn.
You are small.
You also must carry two writing submissions with notes.
Your metro card may or may not have cash on it.
Competitor:
The Lady of the House:
A plucky woman of...
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The Mountain Goats - No Children
One of my tasks...
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I Believe I Said...
“Yes, well, everyone my age no longer does this sort of theater. You know, we all realized we needed to have money at some point and went into catering.”
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Sunday Night: A Lady and a Pot of Hot Fat
I just spent the last two hours frying things. Delerium Tremens (the beer, not the shakes) was involved in this frying. That *might* not be on the safety-approved list.
Tomorrow is my writing group’s two year anniversary. I’ve only been with them for about a year and a half, minus the few months where I was not living at home. Still, they’ve become my writing...
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The Thing That Just Won't Go Away
Fact:
I am working on a 3+ hour hearing on health issues related to the September 11th attacks.
Related Fact:
I’m thinking about putting some bourbon in my coffee.
Fact:
This yearly hearing and the two that always accompany it are my least favorite things about my day job.
Related Facts:
These jobs pay well.
Part of me feels it’s my duty as a New Yorker to listen.
Fact:
...
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Damn Glad...
…that I’m no longer an actor. I still like performing, sure. I’m good enough to get some praise, but not fantastic enough to be a danger to my anonymity, ego, or comfy lifestyle. That’s perfect. I had a fabulous time with WomanInterrotta last night. Drinks, dropped chili, laughter. Lots and lots of laughter. And a realization that I’m happy with where I am in life,...
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Chardonnay and Name Dropping.
Oh? You worked with Merce? I met him back at that John Cage thing… you know, during my Brecht period. Annie B. Was just too much in those days.
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Pete Townshend - Let My Love Open The Door.
...
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Had I Never Been Rejected
I would be an actor, never having realized that what I need to do is write.
I would be married to a day trader—a boy who peaked at 16. I would not have met my husband.
I would have attended Carnegie Mellon and never have met my best friends.
I would not know the meaning of hard work, or what it is work on a single project for 10 years of your life. Or how rewarding that can be.
I...
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Circling Sharks
As a little kid I had a lot of self-confidence. My mother has an entire album of me grinning like an idiot, hands on my hips, looking like life really couldn’t be any more spectacular than it was at that moment. I was disgustingly confident. I didn’t understand why anyone wouldn’t like me. Actually, I flat out assumed that people did. I remember being outgoing and harboring the...