Power Washing

I’m getting squished today.

A while back, after all the insanity finished, Mr. Of The House booked one of those “pay someone else to fix my wife’s back” things. Guess the fact that I’ve been looking like the Crypt Keeper has finally caught up with me.

I’m getting a short massage today, as well as a mani, pedi, salt & sugar body polish, and a European facial [insert giggle here].

I’m freaking out.  I’ve actually been trying to get rid of my zits before the facial lady gets to me. Yes, I am aware that this is counterintuitive. I just don’t want to be scolded for not having taken care of myself for the past mmmmrph months.  Or being told that I have a brown spot on my face. Yes, I have a brown spot.  It’s because I’ve been opting not to be pregnant for the last ohhh, 15 years. (Little spoken of side-effect of of oral contraception: hyper pigmentation.) Aestheticians always feel the need to inform me of this spot.  Like I didn’t know it was there.  It’s ONLY ON. MY. FACE!!!

I’m at that weird stage of life where you get zits and wrinkles, which often makes the lady with the steam wand feel like she can cluck at me with disappointment.  Y’know, like I’ve somehow neglected my anti-aging pore minimizing superpowers in favor of eating more chips.  Curse you, steam wand lady!

I’m also freaking out about my feet.  It’s always a little weird whenever a pedicure person encounters my webbed toes.  I feel like I have to inform her of my secret mutant powers, and let her know that there’s a school for people such as me, where we learn to harness our abilities for the greater good… Swimming in circles really fast has endless uses.

As for my back, well, I’m actually bizarrely proud of how tight it is.  Yeah, I know. Weird. There’s some perverse delight to be had whenever the masseur/masseuse encounters my shoulders and shouts, “Oh my god! This is the worst I’ve ever seen!”  Sort of makes me feel like I actually am putting up with some stuff and haven’t been a wimp all year.

As for scrubs: In theory my butt will be like a baby butt by this afternoon.  

26 Notes/ Hide

  1. receiver said: Butt scrub? LOL!
  2. runeybadger said: I am also oddly proud of my tight back. Someone once told me I’d feel better about life if I had a massage once or twice a month to get the knots worked out. In my head I thought “scam”, scuttled out hunch backed, happy my shoulders feel like boulders
  3. texnessa said: soooo jealous. where are you going? i may book a week at bliss….
  4. sotheresthat said: Sounds like a good time!
  5. ladyofthehouse posted this