Adventures in Advice

Ridiculous things I’ve heard from Aestheticians:

  • No, no. You must only use tepid water. Nothing hot ever. EVER.
  • Your skin is terrible.
  • Your skin is amazing.
  • You must exfoliate twice a week.
  • NEVER exfoliate. EVER!!!!
  • Don’t touch your face.
  • Massage your face for lymphatic drainage.
  • Are you *sure* you don’t want me to wax your eyebrows?
  • Don’t do anything that makes your skin pink. (Incidentally, this would include exercise)
  • Avoid the heat.
  • Avoid the cold.
  • Don’t eat spicy foods.
  • No chocolate.
  • No dairy.

A note: I’m going to have wrinkles. I’ve got some already.  I’m probably not going to like it when my neck starts to sag towards my boobs, especially once *they* start to drop towards my ankles; such is life.  I have a face and that face moves, hence, I’m going to get some pretty impressive wrinkles as time goes on.  I like that my face moves.  I don’t trust puffy lion botox foreheads.  I’m suspicious if your eyebrows don’t move.

Right now I’ve got some laugh lines going.  I actually kind of like them. 

I’m also going to eat ALL the chocolate, ALL the dairy, take lots of hot baths, swim in the Atlantic while it’s still too cold, touch my face all the hell I want, and exfoliate whenever it looks like I need to slough something.  

Hush up 10,000-year-old Russian lady with the giant mole. I just paid you to slap some lotion on my face piece.

-TLOTH

25 Notes/ Hide

  1. whatmusings said: Because when one aesthetician is not altogether personable and tells me to not eat chocolate but then another is wonderfully pleasant and gives me chocolate after almost EVERY appointment, who the hell do you think I’m going to listen to?!?
  2. shovelbum said: never trust a person without laugh lines. nope, can’t do it.
  3. playfullyseductive said: my favorite: ‘honey, you need wip wax bad’
  4. tracingben said: No wrinkles are for dead people and babies’ butts.
  5. ladyofthehouse posted this