Anatomy of a Pity Party

This is what happens when I get rejected from something (have no fear, it turns out all right).

  • Little shaky paws.  Wobble chin.  Three sniffs (only three).
  • Wail like banshee.
  • Catch sight of self in mirror.  Jump back in horror.
  • Apply fluffy slippers and fluffy robe.  Throw self in bed.
  • Turn off phone.  Eat all the chocolate.
  • Decide that all the people who said they like my work are lying.  Or stupid.
  • Decide my work is terrible.
  • Vow never to write again. Decide to settle into a backup career as bathroom mopper in a slaughterhouse.  Vow to be content with said profession.
  • Go back and obsessively read contest results for 3 hours.
  • Chop arms and legs off things in video game.
  • Bawl.
  • Think back to contest results.  Focus in on key winning titles: I Was a Teenage Zombie with a Shopping Addiction; Woo Girl: A Diary; Alien in Lust.
  • Drink all the coffee.  Hack more arms off things.
  • Realize that perhaps this *might* have been the wrong market for a literary novel.
  • One big fat pity tear.
  • Submit to 50 agents out of spite.
  • Turn on phone. Dodge messages.
  • Leave morose message for mother. Wait .5 seconds for her to call back. Indulge in wailing and moaning.
  • Chocolate. Coffee.  Fluffy robe.
  • Bath.
  • Realize (while bathing) that I’m not friends with people who are stupid or people who would lie to me.  Start to feel better about work.
  • Read trashy book. Feel *much* better about work.
  • Chocolate. Coffee. Bunny shirt.
  • Hack more video game arms off.
  • Sleep.
  • Wake.  Righteous indignation.
  • Typewriter.
  • Grumpy perseverance.
  • Reluctant acceptance that I cannot help it—I’m just this way.
  • Type type tap tap type.
  • Chocolate.
  • Grin.

-TLOTH

Note: Yes, I made up those titles, but that was the gist of what I saw. So, yeah, I don’t think this would have been a good fit for me ultimately. Not that I haven’t read a few of those books myself, but my book is a bit more of a “ohhh, so you’re working with allegory, folklore, inheritance, dual narrative, psychological drama, and grand narrative” book.  Oops.

37 Notes/ Hide

  1. runeybadger replied:
  2. clairesalcedo said: I still hug you. *GLOMP!*
  3. accuratelyawesome said: Add hives in around the fourth bulletin and we could throw a pity party together.
  4. christopherkeelty said: Just want to say that I initially read that as “GUMMY perseverance” and I was all like, “Hold the phone! Is that a thing??”
  5. rabbit-reporter said: Your post made my day. Hugs to you TLOTH.
  6. sarahsamudre said: I love your book. It’s going to find a good home.
  7. eebees said: I wanted to find a gif titled “grin” but did not. This was my face when I got to the end of this list though.
  8. tricialew said: I just added a few of these to my coping mechanisms list.
  9. helms-deep said: I don’t think the people in the train appreciated me just laughing out loud while reading this. I received copious amounts of side eye. :-)
  10. ladyofthehouse posted this